I've been feeling down lately thinking about my intellectual abilities that I am apparently "wasting" making babies and staying home to raise my kids. I can't help re-play the look on the face of one of my professors who was pushing me towards medical school when she found out I got married my senior year in college. I used to be the girl that quietly sat in a Math, Chemistry or Biology course in college of 200 plus students knowing that I was the one student the professor mentioned that ruined the test curve and/or got 100% on an exam. I don't feel super smart, but give me a test in science or math and I ROCK it, and I LOVE it.
I miss it.
Sometimes I wonder what I could have been. I get so angry that women are still so often treated as less intelligent than men. I get angry that people treat me that way sometimes...it's why I won't dye my hair blonde again. I hate it. I hate it especially because I'm 10 times more brilliant than most of them (Alright...that made me sound awful, but hey, this is my blog :)).
After much wallowing (and yes a few tears this week), I started to think about my girls though. About how I want them to be different. How much I think the world needs girls who aren't raised completely on princesses. Girls that can get their hands dirty and KNOW that their worth is much more than what they look like. I want them to be sharp and to value education. I want them to be SO strong. I (maybe a little selfishly) want them to be a lot like me, but even better.
I conclude after much thought this week that I hope I'm determined enough to really pull it off (to make these girls AWESOME people) because if I can, I know I will NEVER regret this "wasted" time.
And lastly, the only thing I miss about that college girl I used to be is her ability to go out without always having to wear a bra ;). I'm grateful for the way this life has transformed me and what I'm giving my children. Besides it's easy to forget that I still have plenty of time to go back to school for something prestigious.
Anyway, this is me making myself feel better... THE END
3 comments:
I HOPE IT WORKED, ANDI. YOU ARE AN AWESOME MOTHER. I WISH YOU WOULD HOME SCHOOL. YOU ARE THE BEST TEACHER YOUR CHILDREN CAN EVER HAVE.
TRUTH IS NOT BEING TAUGHT IN SCHOOL, ESPECIALLY HISTORY. BUT DON'T LET ME GET ON THAT SOAP BOX.
LOVE YOU. XOX
I can relate to your post a lot. It's nice to know others feel the same way sometimes. I think nowadays people put such a bad spin on staying home with your children and being a house wife. It is the hardest job you could have though, and your family will be so blessed because you're with them. Thanks for writing it and getting it all out there for others to see. Girls rule! :)
I could not be prouder of you doing anything else than what you are doing. You are the best Mom I have ever seen. Not one second of your mind is wasted in any way. Your girls are becoming everything that they can because of your brains and Jimmy's gentleness. If the movie was real you would be the Mars Mom.
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